The Chickens

We have 25 chickens, including two roosters: Cluck Norris and Derrick. Cluck Norris is a laid-back guy who wanders the farm like he's one of the hens—probably because he thinks he is one of the hens. He's unproblematic, mostly concerned with showing off his beautiful feathers and occasionally forgetting that he's supposed to be guarding the flock. We're not entirely sure how many brain cells he's operating with, but we love him for it.

 

Then there's Derrick. Derrick is a menace—the sort of rooster who believes he's a one-man army. He takes his job of protecting his harem to extreme lengths, often attacking people who dare enter the chicken coop. He's like a tiny, rage-fueled bird, with the attitude of a bouncer at a club. The only way to calm him down is by capturing him with a giant net, walking him around the yard to humiliate him, and reminding him who's boss. It's humiliating for him, but honestly, we enjoy it.

 

As for the hens? They're sweethearts. Our Brahmas, in particular, are gentle giants who love being pampered with snacks and occasional cuddles. They're just a little too lazy to get into the coop on their own, so every night, we're required to manually lift them in for an extra cuddle. Honestly, we think they do it on purpose.

 

And then there's Plof. Plof has been with us since the beginning and looks like she's been through a few too many electrical storms. She's small, scrappy, and seems to hate everyone—humans, other chickens, probably even herself. She has a conspiracy bunker somewhere on the farm, where we're convinced she's plotting her next move. Somehow, she's survived three years of chaos, and we still have no idea how.